No, I am not giving up on missions! On the contrary, I am learning that I must give up my old life to take on this new lifestyle God is calling the Ens family to. For the past 10-15 years, I have been able to do what I did pretty much on my own. If you asked me how someone would go about developing the financing for an affordable housing development in California, I would probably respond with the following questions:
- Are you going to apply for 4% or 9% tax credits, when, and are you ready to go if you get them? Do you have an investor lined up? Do you have a lender if necessary? Will they lend on subsidized units? Will the subsidizers allow for debt service on their units?
- Did you talk to the City or County about gap financing? Did the politicians and powers-that-be approve the project/site and will they back a financial request? Does the community have buy-in? Who are your partners? Where will the opposition come from?
- Do you have your team lined up? Attorneys, architect, general contractor, financial advisor, planning consultants, other consultants, civil engineer, surveyor, title company, others? Draft documents in place?
- Have you applied for or planned for other gap financing sources, like AHP, HOME, HUD funds, State HCD, FWHG, MHSA, CDBG, or others? Will the timing work? Are the restrictions/requirements compatible?
- Is the site purchased? Is it vacant? Are the entitlements approved? Survey done? Environmental and soils done? Prelim done? Any encumbrances, like PGE, FID, FMFCD, or others?
- Did you go to the Board(s)? Did you get interim financing approved?
- Do you have staffing to manage the project? Are you ready to take this on?
- Long term supportive services in place? Management company selected and contracted with? Subsidy sources approved? Will the timing work with these?
Ok, see? I could do this on my own! From memory! The last project we did had 65+ documents in the final package - 2 five-inch binders worth. We had an amazing team, pulling everything together often at the last minute. No matter how much you plan, pieces fall into place gradually and often after you have planned for them to do so. But you rely on experience, on your training, on knowing who to ask the questions to, on your team, on your knowledge of people and situations, on you.
This last month has involved learning how to let go of all of this. I don't know how to do what we are doing now. I have not preached or been a pastor of a church, like many of our partners in this training have. I have not spent 5+ years on the mission field previously. I have not had seminary or linguistic training. I have not had experience in ministry settings like many here have. I don't have an M Div, a PhD, a counseling degree, or any of that. So relying on me for these next years is not going to work, is it?
I read something in Acts4:8 the other day: "Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them". Oh good. I was getting concerned that maybe I was going to have to rely on myself for these next steps! So what I have to do is give up relying on myself and let the Holy Spirit bring in the knowledge and wisdom? I like that! Guessing that my theology is probably not as clear here as I would hope it was. I know that God was using me in my former life, and that each one of the events, each one of the steps, each one of the experiences and challenges was preparing me for something that is to come. But I will be honest here. I was learning to rely on me pretty much.
We are in the process of discerning the country we will be headed to sometime in 2011. In the next two weeks we will evaluate, pray, meet, talk, and review where the Ens family should end up in missions work for the next 6 to 10 years. This is important stuff, right? Gotta say, my tendency is to go back to what I know in this decision making. Unfortunately, knowing the information I listed above is not helping so much here. Knowing how to compile a tax credit application, and strategies to be competitive and get an award is not going to point out a direction for the plane to travel next year. I don't know how to do this on my own, so I am giving up. I am giving up what I know and pursuing in a new way how to process decisions. And that is good.
Here is a great picture symbolizing where we are. The town is called "Mission", just north of us here.
Mikaela and I did not go to the top of the steps to see what is beyond. There were a lot of steps, just like those we are taking now in missions. My new goal is to seek the Holy Spirit to guide me on each one of these steps. The sign at the entrance says "Mission" - what is beyond is yet to be seen. Pretty sure God has given both Melissa and I the past experiences we have had in order to prepare us for this journey. It will be exciting to see where the steps lead!
Take care friends. We appreciate your prayers in this next phase of the journey.
Lowell
